Guilt Should be a 4 Letter Word

Ah, guilt. It's such an ugly thing. I'm feeling especially guilty because a good thing happened. Why, you may ask? I was lucky enough to receive an assistantship for the fall semester and other people who've been in the program longer than I have, did not. I should be able to be happy about this, but I just can't bring myself to feel happy or glad. Instead, I feel guilty, very, very guilty. People who are my friends are now suffering because of this, hence the guilt. I have been avoiding the annex since Wednesday, which is stupid, but I feel so bad for the people who didn't get the assistantships and so guilty because I got one, especially in lieu of the fact that I've only been here one semester. I know this is stupid and childish, but I'd rather not cause any more grief for anyone else. I've been told not to feel guilty and I know if I didn't have the assistantship for the fall it would be extremely difficult for me to continue my education, but I can't help it. My mother instilled a healthy guilt complex in me while I was growing up which was only exacerbated once I became a Catholic. No one does guilt like a Catholic nun let me tell you! "Nun Guilt." What a great play title. I'll write that play one of these days soon.