Denial, Delusion, Despair

The 3Ds have hit. I am at the point where I am starting to ask myself if I really am insane. Yesterday was not a good day - I totally screwed up an assignment in playwriting because I made a really dumb mistake, then was penalized for the mistake, as I should have been. However, I feel like the prof took off more points than was necessary. Why: because I'm a grad student and I'm supposed to know better or because he is trying to torment me and make my life miserable? Yesterday the answer would have been because he is trying to make my life miserable. I don't think he likes me because I learned about playwriting somewhere else, so I always feel like I have to do more in order to satisfy him. If this is the way it will be throughout my entire grad career I'm not sure it will be worth it. Today, I still think that's part of the answer but not the entire answer. The good news is that we do not have class tomorrow - woo hoo! I am struggling with trying to write in a way that I do not write in order to please him and pass the class. My entire creative being is in revolt, yet I need to pass this class. Hence, the despair, denial and delusion. If it weren't for my fellow comrades in scholarly armament, I might seriously consider giving up. However, everyone has one of these kinds of stories, so I know I am not the only one. It just feels like it sometimes!

On a more positive note - I received an e-mail today that even though the Great Plains Theatre Festival had not accepted either of my plays for inclusion in the Playlab series, my work did make the "top tier of submissions" (for what it's worth) and I have been invited to attend the writer's workshop and conference. I am torn about going. On the one hand, I am not sure it is financially feasible for me, but on the other hand Mac Wellman and Constance Congdon are two of the people leading the workshops. How can I pass up the opportunity to take a playwriting workshop from Mac Wellman? I don't think I can. Decisions, decisions.