End of the Year Musings

I have officially made it through one entire year of school (I started in the spring of '09). Here is my Top Ten list of things that I have learned, been frustrated by, and dealt with this year (in no particular order):

1) Not all profs are equal - okay that's obvious, but I have to remind myself frequently of that
2) Each school experience is different and unique in its own way (not every place is like Spalding)
3) Undergrads are not always as annoying as they used to be unless they are students in your class
4) Indentured servitude has not vanished - it is now called being a grad assistant
5) Grad advisors are not all the same - some of them actually know what they are talking about
6) There's not much difference between a PhD in theatre and an MFA in theatre here
7) Taking classes with undergrads can be amusing, irritating, and stressful
8) Texas really is a "whole other country" (just in case you were wondering)
9) Lubbock has a fairly robust arts scene - performance & visual
10) Being on a well-cared for, beautiful campus with so much visual art in prominent places is exciting and invigorating (there's a walking tour of the outdoor artworks that rocks)

All in all, I have wised up and realized that marketing is propaganda - once I got here the program wasn't exactly what it was made out to be. I do know that this is a not infrequent occurrence in the world, but it was disheartening for a while. I have also taken a journey that has led me to a new path in my education - I am transferring to the art department as of the spring '10 semester, where I will be happier and have support for what I am trying to accomplish. I have discovered a passion for what my dear friend and colleague has termed "research" theatre. I still enjoy arts administration and will be pursuing that, along with critical studies in arts & humanities. I'm planning for my dissertation to be some type of art project focused on survivors of domestic abuse and their children. I'll also have opportunities to work with the Women's Studies department, which will only deepen my education and aid in my long-term goal which is to join the Peace Corps after finishing here, then working at or founding, an arts organization to work with women and children who have been victims of domestic violence.

While there have been struggles and stumbling blocks aplenty in this first year, I have come through without too many bruises and am excited and ready for the new year and the new opportunities I have coming my way. I have a play being produced, a scholarship I didn't have to apply for thanks to the art grad advisor, and an assistantship there as well. I'm hoping to make my first international trip this summer, to Prague, and hope to be able to finally get back to writing without the fear that someone in authority will hate my stuff and give me a crappy grade.

Happy Holidays to all! My wish for everyone is that your 2010 will find you where you need to be, doing something you are passionate about which makes a difference in someone's life somewhere in the world.

Do the Happy Dance!!

It's official - I am now an Art doc student as of the spring 2010 semester. I am very happy and extremely relieved to have that decision made and that weight off my shoulders. I will be much happier in the art department and will be treated much better. The art department believes that students are here to study - what a novel concept - and not be slaves to the department. Yesterday was my birthday, so this is a great birthday present and something to be thankful for as I head to Vegas for Thanksgiving break. Woo hoo!!

A Good Week, For a Change

This was a good week for me, in spite of having an added project thrown in the mix for the department. I met with the art PhD advisor Wednesday, left him my admissions packet, and heard yesterday that the admissions committee had unanimously approved my app and it's moving on to the next level. I fully expect to be in the art department next semester and to know by the end of the week, or at least before Thanksgiving break - woo hoo!

The second good thing: I got an autographed poster from Tectonic as a thank you for staging "The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later" at Tech. I have Moises Kaufman's signature which is way cool & very exciting!!! Of course, everyone else signed it as well, but Kaufman is one of my idols so I'm uber-jazzed about that. And yes, I will be getting that framed. :)

Last night was the read-through for the RROAPS plays and it was great to hear my play read aloud. I still have goosebumps because the actors were so great and really did a fabulous job of bringing it to life. Here's hoping the production will go as well and I have a director who gets it. I've already requested that whoever directs it be female because that's important for this piece. We'll see what happens.

And lastly, but certainly not least, it's basketball season - woo hoo! Both the women and men play today so I'm going. I should be working on projects, but I really need a break. There's always tomorrow and Monday, which is my really open day, to get stuff done. Putting together my presentation for marketing will not take very long - I'll probably do it tonight while I'm "watching" Tech play OSU after basketball - LOL.

It was really nice to have a week that was consistently full of good things for a change. I enjoyed it!

Winds of Change

Since I've been here I've been struggling with trying to make myself fit into the program - classic square peg-round hole syndrome - and it's just not working. I have, however, found a solution. After much gnashing of teeth and soul searching I have decided to apply to the art Fine Arts PhD program here. I just have to apply to the art dept. since I've already been admitted to both the grad school and the college. There is more flexibility (heaven forbid the theatre department be flexible!), and I can concentrate on arts administration which is what I came here for in the first place. The art department has a very pro-active advisor who genuinely cares about making each student's experience be what the student needs and is willing to work hard to make it happen. I've discovered that the theatre department is very political, you don't know who you can talk to because you don't know who has the genuine interests of the students in mind or who is manuevering to get tenure or maintain their position, or who will take what you say and run to someone else in the department and stab you in the back with it. It's a very tense, non-nurturing atmosphere, and it's just not worth it. They treat the doc students like afterthoughts, and if you have an assistantship, as slaves. Apparently whatever your duties are for the department come before your education in their eyes. Something is very wrong with this picture and there is no way to fix it because they don't see any issues and will never change. I want to get a degree that means something to me and is not just a piece of paper. If I wanted a piece of paper I could have bought one on the Internet - LOL. I'm very disillusioned with academia right now and definitely at this point don't ever want to be a faculty member at a higher educational institution! All I have to do is live through this semester and next semester and hopefully in the fall I'll be an art student.

The thing I'm most proud of accomplishing since I've been here is being able to get TTU involved in "The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later." For those of you who don't know, Tectonic Theater Company went back to Laramie in 2008 and re-interviewed people and interviewed some new people to write an epilogue. There was an international staged reading event on October 12, 2009 and we were a part of that. It was so humbling to know that were were reading the script at the same time Tectonic was reading it in New York, and other theatres, universities, and high schools were also reading it all across the world. We were connected to the live pre-show feed from NY and saw Glenn Close, Judy Shepard, and Moises Kaufman. Then everyone did their reading and hooked back up with NY after for the post-show discussion. All in all it was very exciting to be a part of theatre history because Tectonic accomplished something that had never been done in live theatre before. There were 150 locations participating in this event. It still gives me chills thinking about it - we rocked!

So, there are small consolations to be found, but not enough to keep me invested in the department. I like my fellow students and have some very good friends but many of us are frustrated with the department. People leave all the time or get to ABD and never finish, which is not the goal. One of the problems is they admitted a lot of doc students in the past couple of years who they can't support financially and once you get here you don't get a lot of mentoring from the faculty members either. I feel like they want the doc students because grad students bring in more money but they don't care about us after they get us here. It's like being tossed to the wolves or thrown in the ring with gladiators. Overall, it sucks. If I was getting an MFA it wouldn't be so bad. Basically the MFA and PhD programs are the same - same classes, etc., only there are a few more hoops for the doc students to jump through. So, what is the value in that? I don't find much and it makes me sad.

Attitude Adjustment

I need one! This has been a very crappy week all around. On Wednesday I found out that, in spite of the fact that my MFA was writing intensive, and I got the highest score on the diagnostic essay, I still have to take the flipping research methods class! This is a waste of 3 credit hours, a waste of time, and a waste of money. I know how to research and write an academic paper, and since my dissertation is project based (unless I change my mind), it won't be that difficult to write. I think I can handle it without the research methods class. The Teaching Learning Center here is very good about putting on workshops for grad students to help them with this stuff - we don't need no stinking class! Grrr! Needless to say the rest of the week was not pleasant because I did not want to get up and go to class or teach my class or do any of the other myriad things GPTIs have to do in addition to keeping up with their schoolwork. I always thought I came here to get a PhD, not to be a peon for the department, so my first priority should be my academics. Apparently I was mistaken. All of this stuff is piling up and making me seriously consider whether I even want to accept a GPTI position in the spring. I just want to get this over with & go somewhere else right now. As I said, attitude adjustments are in order.

On the positive side, "The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later" event is coming together very nicely. We have had nothing but positive feedback and support from everyone we've worked with on campus, and in the community, to get this project going, and I've got a great bunch of readers who are as passionate about this as I am. This is one of the few bright spots in my life right now.

I also talked to a Peace Corps rep this week on campus. I've been thinking about this for a while, and if I wasn't in school right now I'd probably be in the Peace Corps somewhere. I'm going to apply when I finish here. Volunteering and being useful have always been high priorities for me, and I'm at the point in my life where I feel I can do that. I want to combine my interests in women's issues and theatre with a stint in the Peace Corps. I don't care where I go, as long as I go. Now that I made that decision it is making it just a bit easier for me to stick it out here. I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, all I have to do is navigate the darkness to get to it!

A Ray of Sunshine!

Okay, so all is not doom and gloom on the school front. Football season has started and I have been to the first two home games, and am looking forward to many more. There's just something about being there, with the crowd, listening to the band, that can't be matched by football on TV. I reinstated my athletic fee so I could get into the games and sit in the student section. Well, sit is a relative term because once the game started the only sitting was during time outs, the end of each quarter and halftime. It was all worth it, however and the weather was perfect for the game last night. The rain held off, there was a nice breeze, and lots of enthusiasm in the student section. One of the stadium workers tried to keep us out of the student section - who says all students are 18 years old anyway? And I'm sorry for my Ottawa U peeps, because football without a band really is not the same. OU needs a marching band or at least a pep band. Last night was alumni band night and it was pretty awesome to see the alumni band, flag whatever they call thems, and twirlers perform at halftime. They were almost as good as the student band, which is pretty darn good. They ought to be considering they practice every day at noonish - you can hear them all over campus if you happen to be outside. I'll never hear scales the same way again - LOL!

The second piece of really exciting and excellent news is that the new student organization FADP (yes, I know the name needs work), is working with Tectonic Theatre Company to be a part of the international "Laramie Project Ten Years Later" event. I'm so pumped that we made it just under the wire! I get to direct the staged reading of the epilogue and we'll be doing it on October 12 along with theatres and universities across the country and the world. There will be a webcast with the cast of Tectonic's reading before the actual readings take place and a webcast after. The goal is to have all of the theatres connected and doing the staged reading at the same time. Tech is the only university in this part of the state who has this opporunity and I am thrilled that I have gotten approval and support for this project from the department. We have a lot of work to do to pull this off, not to mention the fact that for some reason there is a fall break scheduled Oct. 12-13 but we hope since Homecoming is on the 10th that there will be some students still around who want to participate. We're also inviting the community so we'll see what happens. Oh yeah, FADP stands for Fine Arts Doctoral Program. We decided we needed a group this summer so we started one.

Stay tuned for updates on "The Laramie Project" event and the results of my diagnostic tests. We get to meet with the faculty (all of them) on Tuesday, where they will give us our results and then hopefully I'll have an advisor. I need to get my degree plan done this semester and on file with the grad school or they will be looking for me!

And So it Begins. . .

What, you may ask? School is the reply. Yes, for those of us fortunate enough to be in a doctoral program at a certain university, classes began on Thursday, and what a day it was. Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be killer days for me because all of my classes, including the one I teach, are scheduled on those two days. I suppose there's something to be said for getting all of your classes over with on two days instead of having them spread out, but I haven't figured out what it is yet. More time to do homework - somehow I don't think so - but it would be nice if that really happened. Those MWF hours will be filled with meetings, office hours, working box office, and other assorted ventures. Oh happy, happy, joy, joy - NOT!

The week started with an announcement I wasn't expecting. In the grad assistant meeting we were told that the diagnostic test was going to be that afternoon and those of us (including me since they only administer the test in the fall) needed to meet at 12:45 p.m. to go to the testing center. This was the first any of us, including the new people, had heard about this. We were not thrilled by this news. I was so not prepared to take a test, but test I did that afternoon. Tuesday I started getting sick - allergies which quickly morphed into a sinus infection - and did not get my syllabus written that evening. I went home from my last meeting and crashed. Spent Wednesday evening after an all day training for new grad assistants writing my syllabus and discovered a mistake on it later (after I had passed it out mind you) - grrr!!! Thursday I had to copy said syllabus, tell the Voice & Movement prof I was dropping his class & replacing it with another class, go to my first class, go teach, go to my second class & try to find a few moments to eat the lunch I brought. And so it will go every Tuesday and Thursday, with the added attraction that Tuesday evenings will be the other class I'm taking. We also have auditions this Thursday and I am so not looking forward to that. The upside is that the musical has been shifted to the spring semester so no one has to hear me sing. I suppose we should all be thankful for that!

All in all it was a very hectic week. I'm hoping that once I get myself into a routine things won't feel so rushed. Not feeling well doesn't help, but I'll be seeing the doc tomorrow morning. Antibiotics here I come!

It's Almost Break Time

Tomorrow begins the last week of my second summer class. It has really gone faster than I thought it would. I love this class and the prof is amazing. I have learned so much and I know how to draw now. I mean really draw, not just stick figures and lollipop trees. We learned how to draw hands, tennis shoes, faces, and trees. I never thought I could actually draw something that might resemble anything real, but I can. I now have more confidence in my visual artistic abilities thanks to this class, and I think all of us feel the same way. Who knew you could go on field trips in grad school? We got to see an art exhibit every Friday and lead a discussion about a piece of our choosing. Now I know how to really see an artwork as opposed to look at an artwork. This class is the best class I've had since I've been here. Too bad they aren't all like that. However, I did come to a major decision this summer. The PhD in playwriting is not for me - I don't feel the need to repeat my MFA program (which was so much better anyway). I've decided that when I grow up I want to work at a non-profit that has new play development as part of their mission so I'm switching to acting/directing from playwriting. I want to be more well rounded and this will allow for that. Who knows? If I do end up teaching somewhere I'll have a better skill set this way too. And, I'm getting a chance to go home to Kansas soon - woo hoo! I'll be gone for two weeks and can't wait to get on that plane. It's too bad I have to come back, but I'm hoping for better things this fall. After all, it can't get too much worse (I hope)!

To "B" or not to "B" with all apologies to the Bard

Well grades were posted for Dramatic Analysis yesterday, and as expected I got a B. Same prof I got the B in playwriting from in the spring. No surprise there - I mean, he doesn't even know my name and this was my second class with him. Shouldn't you expect a prof, especially at the PhD level, to be cognizant of his student's names? There aren't that many of us - jeesh! I have decided that I will never ever get any grade higher than a B in one of his classes. The bad thing abut all of this is I have to have him on my doctoral committee because you have to have a prof from each of your tracks and he is the only playwriting person. That sucks! I can always hope he retires before then, but I doubt it. I think I'm stuck with him so I suppose I had better put on my big girl pants and deal with it - LOL!

Taking a Breather

I made it through Dramatic Analysis, Aristotle and all. Our final was on Friday. Hopefully I did well enough on the final and the final project paper to get a B. I'm convinced I will never get an A from this prof since he thinks I can't write. I get really irritated when I get comments on my papers saying I am "off topic" or I am bringing in outside material. I was not off topic and the outside sources I used strengthened my thesis. Apparently not - HA! I thought students were supposed to be critical thinkers and to use what they know and/or can find to support their work. Guess I was wrong about that too which means I am teaching my English Comp students bad things, like how to think critically. Oh, the horror!

At any rate, my next class doesn't start until July 7, so I have a bit of a break, but not really. We have 4 books to read for this class, 2 of which are to be read by the first day. Guess what I'll be doing next week? I am taking at least one day to do nothing school related however, because after DA my brain is pretty fried. I need to work on something that will give me pleasure not pain - LOL. I'm going to go back to working on a play project I've had on the backburner for a while. I need to recharge my creative batteries big time!

The Summer of the Play

As a playwright, I should embrace this, right? Ordinarily I would, but reading 10 plays in about a month and writing papers on most of them, with "Everyman" reserved for the final exam, is a bit on the stressful side. A plot paper on "Uncle Tom's Cabin," a character paper on Moliere's "The Imaginary Invalid," and a diction paper on "The Adding Machine," is not my idea of a fun time with plays. On the up side, I am reading 6 of Sheila Callaghan's plays and writing my project paper on her work. That does make me happy. I think my eyes might fall out by the end of the summer though. Not only do I have all the reading (and writing) for the current class, but I also have 4 lengthy books to read for the second summer session class. I'll be brain dead by the time summer school is over. Good thing I get a break to recharge before I start all over again in the fall - LOL! Every day I ask myself if this will all be worth it in the end. Some days the answer is yes and some days no - depends on the day.

Do the Happy Dance!!

We finished Aristotle today. Time for the happy dance. The undergrads are taking a 60 question multiple choice exam tomorrow. The grads get to write a paper - a chapter by chapter one-two sentence distillation of what the chapter is about and then a response to the entire thing - that is due on Monday. Lucky for me I'll get to spend all day Saturday working at the box office. That gives me plenty of time to write the paper. We have a list of our chosen playwright's works due on Friday. We're meeting tomorrow while the undergrads are slaving away at the exam to further discuss the project. What fun! At least I got approved for the playwright I really wanted to do my project on, Sheila Callaghan. I'm looking forward to this project, for a change. Ah well, it will soon be all over. Class ends on June 25 and the final is June 26, then a break until the art class starts on July 7. I just hope all those books we have to read for art get here in plenty of time for me to get them read before the class starts - 4 books and the longest one is 500+ pages. My eyes might fall out and this is my summer to re-read "War & Peace"for the I don't know how manyth time!

How Much Aristotle is Too Much?

I have officially made it through the first three days of summer school. We are slowly making our painstaking way through Aristotle's "Poetics." Mind you, this is not a bad thing for a theatre student, especially a playwright to be familiar with, but there comes a point when it's too much. I have spent a lot of time studying the "Poetics" in many classes previous to this - I think I get it already! I do have to admit though, that no one has been as thorough as this prof - we go sentence by sentence. Of course, there are undergrads in this class, and I know he wants to be sure that they all understand it, but seriously? I think I've reached my Aristotle limit. The good thing is this is a summer class and so we're getting through it much faster. The pain will soon be over. On the flip side, I will now be so familiar with the "Poetics" that I will definitely be able to explain them to somoeone else, should that topic ever come up in conversation. LOL.

Boredom is Seriously Overrated!

Okay. I'm bored. School is done until summer school starts, all of my friends have left town for a while, and I am freakishly bored out of my skull. Yes, I've caught up on my magazine reading which only made me more bored because I won't be going anywhere exciting this summer, and have managed to make a plan for completing my PhD in a timely fashion, but still. There are only so many movies I can watch (thanks Netflix) and so many books I can read before I go stir crazy! I don't know enough people in Lubbock yet to just go hang out with, and I still don't know much about what's here. Maybe that will be my mission this summer - discover Lubbock attractions. I have been to the Buddy Holly Center which was pretty awesome and went to the annual Art Festival which was interesting, but that's about the extent of it. Haven't found the right coffee house yet and still have no idea where the movie theater is. I know they have one. Have to figure that out before Harry Potter arrives in theaters later this summer. Once school starts I'll be okay, but for right now I'm feeling not only bored, but a little depressed. I wish I was in Prague with the people who went on the study abroad trip. Oh well, I'll just have to figure out my own way to not be bored. Any ideas?

It's Over!

Today I turned in my theatre history paper which means my semster is officially over - woo hoo! Now all I have to do is wait for the grades. Should do all right in theatre management and theatre history. Not too confident about playwriting. I think that's going to be my downfall and I am seriously considering dropping the playwriting track and switching to acting/directing. I can do that track without taking an acting class, which I have no interest in, and I think I'll get more out of it. I don't feel the need to go back to the basics and start over when I already have an MFA in playwriting. If the playwriting program is not going to help me expand and grow as a playwright, why waste the time and money? Now that the semester is over, and before summer school starts, I need to do some serious planning and pondering about my path through this program. We'll see what I come up with. Happy end of the semester to all!

The Wonders of Power Point

All right, I know I'm technologically disadvanced. No one needs to remind me. However, I actually put together a Power Point presentation (with a lot of help!) and presented it in class Tuesday. That was a first for me. I'm proud of myself for actually learning how to do it and getting a pretty good-looking presentation together in time for class. I do have to extend a BIG thank you to a fellow student who tutored me through the process and fed me Chinese food. I couldn't have done it without her. It wasn't as nerve wracking as I thought it would be either and I didn't hit the wrong button or accidentally skip something during the presentation. That in itself is an accomplishment for me. I'm learning how to design brochures on Publisher too. Oh, the wonders of technology. Will they ever cease? The library on campus has free 3-D animation classes and I'm thinking seriously about taking one and playing. Could be stress relieving, and right now, that would be a good thing!

End of Semester Blues

Well, here I am at almost the end of my first semester as a doctoral student. I have a presentation staring me in the face for Tuesday (Power Point savvy I am not), a 7 page paper for theatre history I've barely started on, a script to revise, and a final packet to put together for theatre management. I think I'm at a critical meltdown point now. I know I need to get this stuff done, but I have absolutely no motivation at all. Nada, not a bit, nothing! This is bad, really bad. I don't want to end my first semester by failing my classes - LOL! However, the upside is that I have to work as house supervisor for the department production of "Death of a Salesman" this evening and Saturday evening, which means I have a lot of time to sit in the theatre lobby and be productive. What else are you going to do during an almost three hour show when someone has to be in the lobby the entire time? You got it, homework! Everyone else is in the same boat though - the end of the semester has a tendency to do that to people. I know I'll get it all done - I have to. Pressure and deadlines can be great motivators! :) Ah well, after May 5 the semester will be over and I can breathe a huge sigh of relief until summer school starts May 27 - woo hoo!

Guilt Should be a 4 Letter Word

Ah, guilt. It's such an ugly thing. I'm feeling especially guilty because a good thing happened. Why, you may ask? I was lucky enough to receive an assistantship for the fall semester and other people who've been in the program longer than I have, did not. I should be able to be happy about this, but I just can't bring myself to feel happy or glad. Instead, I feel guilty, very, very guilty. People who are my friends are now suffering because of this, hence the guilt. I have been avoiding the annex since Wednesday, which is stupid, but I feel so bad for the people who didn't get the assistantships and so guilty because I got one, especially in lieu of the fact that I've only been here one semester. I know this is stupid and childish, but I'd rather not cause any more grief for anyone else. I've been told not to feel guilty and I know if I didn't have the assistantship for the fall it would be extremely difficult for me to continue my education, but I can't help it. My mother instilled a healthy guilt complex in me while I was growing up which was only exacerbated once I became a Catholic. No one does guilt like a Catholic nun let me tell you! "Nun Guilt." What a great play title. I'll write that play one of these days soon.

Number Nightmares, or, Budgets Aren't All They're Cracked Up To Be!

Spring Break really came at a great time, and I got a lot accomplished - most of my playwriting projects were done then, but it's taken me a while to get back into the swing of things. I spent every evening last week (with the exception of two) working as the House Supervisor for the one-acts, so spent more time on campus than I did at home. This has put me behind and I am now facing my biggest hurdle so far this semester. I know, you all thought it would have something to do with playwriting, but aha, it doesn't! The big bad budget project snuck up on me when I wasn't looking. :(

As part of Theatre Management class we have to plan and develop a fictional (for now) theatre company or performing arts center or whatever. Part of that process is budgeting. Well, I started out with some grandiose ideas, but have rudely returned to earth. I'm downsizing my theatre and concentrating on doing more with less, as all arts organizations are these days. But I have a confession to make, I am a math phobe. True, I have worked with budgets and know how to read a budget sheet, but I don't like it. I'd just as soon be in the middle of a bunch of rabid UNC fans wearing a Duke Blue Devils t-shirt. Okay, well maybe not that, but you get the idea. I have been gathering information and trying to figure out how much to downsize my original idea. Now it's crunch time - literally - time to crunch some numbers and get the budget down on paper. This project is due Thursday, so I don't have a lot of time, but I am very reluctant to begin. Anybody out there got any magic motivation pills? You know where to find me!

Spring Break Rocks!

Okay, not really, but at least I'm not in Texas right now. I am home in Kansas. Yes, I said home and Kansas in the same sentence. Over the years I have grown quite fond of Kansas, despite myself. While I am not a "native Kansan" living somewhere for over 20 years has to count for something, right? At any rate, it feels good to be back, even if only for a few days. I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I consider myself a Texan. It's just a way station on my journey. For the most part, a decent one, but it's not home. Kansas is home. Guess you have to leave someplace to discover how important it is to you. I'm officially a Mid-Westerner, even if I didn't start out that way. I started out as a Southerner, but I don't think anyone holds that against me now. I've spent so much time in Kansas that the Mid-Western ethos has been absorbed into my pores. So, I am immensely enjoying my Spring Break and seeing friends who have become family. I'll be sad to fly back to Texas on Monday and go back to school, but I'm glad I've had the chance to be here and re-energize myself for the rest of the semester, which will soon be over. And yes, I am not spending all of my time goofing off. I am actually getting some work done, mostly playwriting. My plan is to get as much of that done, even though it isn't due until the end of April, so I can concentrate on the paper I have to write for theatre history and the packet and presentation I have to do for theatre management. Making a list, checking it twice, crossing things off - that's the plan for now. Happy Spring Break to all!

You Know You're Ready For Spring Break When. . .

Do you ever have one of those days? You know, those days when you wonder why you got out of bed in the first place? Those can it get any worse days? Well, today was my day.

The theatre history prof was late and just when we were beginning to wonder if we should stay or go, we could hear him clomp down the hall in the cowboy boots he has become inordinately fond of wearing lately. Apparently wearing/owning a pair of cowboy boots when living in Texas is a rite of passage. Somehow I missed that message. At any rate, there were a couple of people missing from class this morning, and even though I was there, in plain view, he asked where I was. So, not only does he ignore me and not hear me, now he doesn't see me. Geez! That started off the day which only got worse in the next class. We got our assignments back and I got a negative 10. What the heck does that mean? And, even worse, there were no comments on my assignment. How am I supposed to figure out what I did wrong and correct it? We are getting a chance to correct it because it seems that most of the class, with a couple of exceptions, did the assignment wrong. That's the good news. The bad news is I still don't know how to fix it. And just why did I think it was a good idea to come back to school? Right now, I don't know the answer to that question.

The only good thing about being in school right now is that it is almost Spring Break and I'm going home to Kansas, where the people are semi-sane. I cannot wait for the time away. Only two more days of playwriting this week - woo hoo! We're talking about revision. Sam Smiley has a way to do everything, including revision. At least my in-class play reading is scheduled on April 22, which is the last slot. Of course, the prof did mention in class yesterday that those of us who had the last slots should have perfect scripts because we've had more time to work on them. What a way to encourage a student. If it's not perfect, then what - we're screwed and will fail the class? The life of a grad student is not for the fainthearted - I'm beginning to feel it's for the delusional!

To Talk, Or Not To Talk, That Is The Question

So, my theatre history prof told me a couple of weeks ago I needed to speak up more in class. He reiterated that in my mid-term conference. I have been trying to do so but he keeps ignoring me, which is leading to a feeling of frustration on my part. Three times now he has totally ignored me when I have tried to make a comment, and once he heard me, but choose to not hear me. GRRRRR! He says he is trying to prepare me for the academic wars, but I don't know if that's what I really want to end up doing. I did tell him that, but he said his conscience would bother him if he didn't toughen me up. I thought I was in school, not the Marine Corps, and I already have a father who felt it was his duty to "toughen me up" during my childhood.

This leaves me feeling like the rebellious child who refuses to do what the authority figure says because trying to do what is expected isn't getting me anywhere. My stubborn nature is beginning to take hold, and it's not going to be pretty. It's a good thing spring break is right around the corner. Maybe I'll come back from the break refreshed and ready to make it through the remainder of the semester with a postive attitude. Then again, maybe not. I will be talking in class on Tuesday, even if it's just to correct a date he gave for the English Restoration. It's not 1688, which he kept repeating - it's 1660 - duh. Okay,well maybe not duh. I know everyone doesn't know the date of Charles II's restoration to the throne of England off the top of their head, so I'll cut him some slack. However, he did ask someone in the class who had their laptop to look up the correct date, then never asked for it. Perhaps he wants to rewrite history. If only that were possible I could think of a lot of changes I'd make. Guess I'll have to put it in a play.

Sleeping With My Eyes Open

That is what I was doing in playwriting class today - seriously! I don't know how I managed to look even halfway interested in what was going on because the prof was droning on and on and on about - I'm not sure I could even tell you, that's how bad it was! I think it had something to do with how to write a "stageworthy play" or words to that effect. I was definitely somewhere else for that 50 minutes. The good news was that he let us out of class 2 minutes early - oh boy - so I was able to catch the earlier bus and get home before 5:00 p.m. Considering the way my week is going to go, that will the earliest I get home this week. Can I just say that I am counting down the class periods left before spring break and can't wait till it gets here? Kansas, here I come!

On the upside, three of us took a road trip to Caprock Canyon State Park on Sunday. It was a gorgeous day and the scenery was amazing. I hope the photos I took do it justice. As soon as I can figure out why I can't get my camera to download the photos I'll post them on Facebook for your viewing pleasure. It was peaceful and quiet there - it was a break that we all really needed. We're at mid-terms and we have lots of projects coming up that need to get done so the pressure is building. Going to the park was a wonderful way to let off some steam and play hooky from homework!

And the best part of the week? KU is coming to Lubbock to play Texas Tech on Wednesday and I get to go to the game - woo hoo - and I can't wait!! I love being at a Big 12 school and going to basketball games, even if Tech is not doing so well. There's just nothing like a college basketball game, no matter where it is. Rock Chalk Jayhawk, Go KU! (I try not to say that too loudly around here. Don't want to get stomped on by a Red Raider - LOL.)

Playwriting Perils

Ah yes, today was Playwriting class day. A day I look forward to three times a week with as much anticipation as going to the dentist for a root canal, which I had to do last week. Today we got contradictory information on the feedback from our starts. We had discussed ad naseum balance/equilibrium/stasis or whatever term you prefer to use, then he tells us today that it's really something different and anyone who got it wrong on the start was docked points. Huh? Seriously, dude, make up your mind! Which is it? So, now we are all thoroughly confused and not sure if we are ever going to get it right. I think I'm being tortured for something I may or may not have done in a past life. Otherwise, I have no explanation for this class. The prof holds my MFA degree against me because I didn't learn everything I know from him, and that just makes things worse. Is it any wonder I do not feel the need to ever open my mouth in the class? When this semester is over and I have taken the final I will be doing the happy dance and I can't dance! Don't look - it won't be pretty - LOL.

Denial, Delusion, Despair

The 3Ds have hit. I am at the point where I am starting to ask myself if I really am insane. Yesterday was not a good day - I totally screwed up an assignment in playwriting because I made a really dumb mistake, then was penalized for the mistake, as I should have been. However, I feel like the prof took off more points than was necessary. Why: because I'm a grad student and I'm supposed to know better or because he is trying to torment me and make my life miserable? Yesterday the answer would have been because he is trying to make my life miserable. I don't think he likes me because I learned about playwriting somewhere else, so I always feel like I have to do more in order to satisfy him. If this is the way it will be throughout my entire grad career I'm not sure it will be worth it. Today, I still think that's part of the answer but not the entire answer. The good news is that we do not have class tomorrow - woo hoo! I am struggling with trying to write in a way that I do not write in order to please him and pass the class. My entire creative being is in revolt, yet I need to pass this class. Hence, the despair, denial and delusion. If it weren't for my fellow comrades in scholarly armament, I might seriously consider giving up. However, everyone has one of these kinds of stories, so I know I am not the only one. It just feels like it sometimes!

On a more positive note - I received an e-mail today that even though the Great Plains Theatre Festival had not accepted either of my plays for inclusion in the Playlab series, my work did make the "top tier of submissions" (for what it's worth) and I have been invited to attend the writer's workshop and conference. I am torn about going. On the one hand, I am not sure it is financially feasible for me, but on the other hand Mac Wellman and Constance Congdon are two of the people leading the workshops. How can I pass up the opportunity to take a playwriting workshop from Mac Wellman? I don't think I can. Decisions, decisions.

Hoops

Hoops - it seems like I've been trying to avoid jumping through them in academia, but alas, it is not to be. One of my other profs put things in perspective for me when we had lunch last week. I'd asked him to read "Semper Fi" because I wanted his opinion as a director and a dramaturg, as well as a historian. He gave me a lot of good feedback and we talked a bit about my frustrations with playwriting, at least this semester. He told me that sometimes there are hoops to jump through in grad school, and this looked like one of them. While that does not make the situation any better, at least it is more palatable now. I still dread going to the class, made even worse by the fact that our final will be at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning, but at least I know if I want to get anywhere I need to jump through the hoops and there is no getting around it. Grr!

But, on the upside, I did finally get to go to a Texas Tech basketball game Saturday. Loved the band, loved the student section, hated the refs! Tech is not doing so well this year, but I had hopes they would beat Nebraska. Alas, it was not to be. The Huskers were getting lots of help from the refs. Pat Knight got T'd up, twice, and thrown out of the game. That really energized the crowd. I kind of felt sorry for the Nebraska bench, since they were right in front and next to the student section, but not that much. Did you know that Cookie Miller (Nebraska player) looks like Li'l Bow Wow? I didn't either until one of the students pointed it out to him - LOL! Great fun. The next home game is Saturday against Baylor. I'm looking forward to these hoops at least.

The Orestia Saga

So, we had to read "The Orestia" in theatre history and do a 5 minute presentation on an aspect of the plays we would teach to upper level undergrads. 'The Orestia" for those of you not familiar with the plays is Aeschylus' version of the mythology surrounding the House of Atreus - go look it up, it's fascinating. After much in class discussion and some further reading of scholarly articles relating to Greek history, tragedy, etc., we were sent off to put our presentations together. Apparently only one of us, or maybe two, heard that the presentations needed to incorporate the readings we did. Oops! When the prof said to the second presenter in class that he hadn't incorporated anything from the articles we read you could see everyone's faces, except for the one or two who actually heard him say that, fall. Oh well, what can you do? I soldiered on and gave a 5 minite presentation on how Aeschylus uses religion in "The Orestia." It went well, I think, I hope! We'll find out when he gives us grades. The good news is, we only have to do this twice more during the semester.

Playwriting is still boring, and still so not what I want to do, but it is what it is. I did have a talk with the prof and he thinks I can make my "germinal image" (that is his favorite phrase, I believe), fit into the Smiley scenario. I still have my doubts, but we'll see. If it doesn't work, I'll come up with a plan B or C or D or whatever. Structure is overrated sometimes. While I know it is important for playwrights to "know the rules" I also think if you do know the rules you should be entitled to experiment once in a while. If you're a baby playwright, yeah, you should learn this stuff. If you're not, then you need to be allowed to expand your work.

On a happier note - I played hooky from homework last night and went to see the touring show of "The Pajama Game." They were giving free tickets away to students last week on campus, so I figured what the heck. I don't have to be on campus till noon today, so I could sleep in. The show was all right - the lighting and sound had some issues - but overall not a bad way to spend a couple of hours and the price was right. Some of the grad students went together and had dinner before, so it was a good time. Now we can all dissect it when we see each other again - LOL! Oh, those theatre people!

Shoot me now!

Playwriting will be the death of me - I just know it! Not the actual work of playwriting, the class. Today we talked all about a scenario (classic dramaturgy) and Sam Smiley's method. Claudia should be smiling somewhere. I don't have a problem with Smiley's book or his methods, except when trying to apply them to myself. I am not that kind of writer. I don't plan or outline or do any of that stuff that we are going to have to do in order to get a decent grade in this class. Grrr! I really don't know if I can actually do it - I mean, I know I will because I need to pass the course - but I don't know if I can come up with anything resembling a performable piece of theatre by doing this. Well, we don't have to write the play, just the scenario. My fear is I'll get to the next class and he'll make us use the scenario we created in this class to write a full-length play. We're writing one-acts in this class. And if that happens, I don't know what I'll do. In addition to feeling like I'm in remedial playwriting, I also feel very constrained right now. I don't know how I'm going to come up with something by the end of the semester and waiting until the last minute I know is not a good idea. Where is a germinal image when I need one, huh?

Manna in Lubbock

Friday evening the newbies got together with some of the people who've been here a while and went to dinner. Manna is the restaurant we went to and it was fabulous! It's in an out of the way place, surrounded by interesting little shops, which some of us will go back to explore, and the food was the best I've had for a while. It wasn't too pricey, great atmosphere and excellent service. Definitely a must go to again! After dinner, to continue the evening, we went to Murphy's pub. Murphy's is non-smoking, but that didn't seem to deter the crowd. Lots of fun and I've discovered it's close to my apartment - hmmm!

For the newbies, including the visiting theatre prof, who came up with this idea in the first place, the evening was quite informative. Ah, the politics of academia! Oh, the personalities involved! It was nice to be clued in on some of the departmental stuff - forewarned is forearmed. As I have conversations with other students in the department I learn more and more. So, I've decided to observe, learn all I can, taking into account that some people may have biases due to their experiences, and then make my own judgments. I usually try to be extremely cautious in a new situation anyway, you never know when something you may have said, even if it was innocent, will come back to bite you in the butt! There's nothing wrong with treading very softly for a while. I hate politics, but they're everywhere, dang it!

Questioning my sanity

Today's session in theatre history was intense - very intense. I left class wondering if I knew what I was doing, or if I really was insane. We got our first written assignment. We're reading Aeschylus' "The Oresteia," which is not a problem. It's the written assignment that is giving me pause. We have to plan and deliver a lecture on the plays, as if we were teaching an upper level undergrad course. Our lecture notes, in whatever form, as long as they're typed, are to be handed in, and our lectures will be given to our classmates and prof. Talk about intimidating! The prof has a doctorate in theatre history and I feel like my classmates are so far ahead of me. I know I'm freaking myself out, and probably for no good reason, but what if I'm not? What if I screw up? I'm worried that I'm going to fall flat on my face and that I shouldn't even be here. AHH! Why do I always do this to myself - look for reasons why I will fail? The good news is that we have a couple of weeks to prepare, and maybe it won't be as bad as I think it will be. It's just that I want to do well and yes, I want an A, damn it! Anal-retentive perfectionist tendencies are very annoying at times - LOL!

Box Office Blues

One of my assignments as a GPTI is working in the box office, which is not really a bad gig. Compared to working in the scene or costume shop, it's a breeze! This is a big time operation though - cash, credit card machine, printing the tickets as they're purchased, etc. I'm used to a more primitive method so it's going to take a while before I feel comfortable with what I'm doing. Did I mention I have a math phobia and this position involves numbers? Lots of numbers? Today was my second shift in the box office, my first long shift. I'm glad I had a co-worker who was experienced because we had a lot of phone orders this morning and they were all paid by credit card. When you don't have the credit card there to swipe it makes the process take forever - there are about ten steps - well maybe not ten, but a lot! I sure hope I didn't enter anyone's number wrong. I almost did once because I couldn't read my co-worker's writing. After a few cancellations and do-overs I got it right. Whew! I get to do this again on Saturday for 3 and a half hours - woo hoo! By the end of the semester I should be a pro. A girl can dream, can't she?

Boring with a capital B!

I'm not sure I can make it through a semester of playwriting. I am bored, literally, to tears. It's not that I don't like the prof, I'm sure he's a very nice person. He appears to be at any rate. It's just that this is a review for me of everything I have already studied at Spalding, hence the boredom. At least we get to go to the museum on Friday and the class only lasts 50 miunutes, so it could be worse. I keep wishing for Charlie or Sheila, anything to liven things up! I'm hoping that it will get better as the semester goes on and my mind won't wander so much when I am supposed to be paying attention. I hope it looks like I'm paying attention - LOL! Oh well,when this semester is over I will be so full of "traditional dramaturgy and structure" I may puke. Charlie will be so proud of me - HA!

What did I get myself into?!

Yesterday I had my other two classes for the first time, got trained for box office duty and as one of the assistant house supervisors (part of my GPTI duties). When I finally got home I felt like my head was going to explode - information overload!

Survey of Theatre History is going to be awesome, in spite of Oscar G. Brockett (he wrote the definitive theatre history text that many of us have suffered through in other classes). We have a visiting prof, which is pretty cool. I hear the regular prof is tough. He teaches at Carnegie Mellon and just finished his doctorate at the University of Pittsburgh. His focus area is South African theater, and we'll get to learn about that, and African theater in general. Since I know next to nothing about that area of theater, I'm really looking forward to learning more.

The Theatre Management class will be the toughest. I'm looking forward to the challenge and hope I can make it through the semester with my sanity intact and a decent grade. Our final project is to put together a plan for a new theater company. Did I mention there's reading, lots of reading? Three books for this class, plus we have to have a subscription to the local paper and read that every day, as well as the campus paper. My eyes might fall out - LOL!

On the plus side, I've been welcomed with open arms by everyone I've met in the department, I know where I'm going on campus (for the most part), and I finally figured out the bus system - hooray for me!

The First Day of School

The "first day of school" - a phrase which strikes terror, anxiety, excitement, anticipation into many hearts each new semester. In my case, it was all of the above. I haven't been in a traditional classroom for a while, so the closer it got to class time, the more nervous I got. I arrived, early as usual, and took a seat. Some of the other students, who all knew each other, were discussing how one of them had not passed the class previously and was repeating it. That didn't bother me too much, these things happen. However, what did cause me some alarm was when he said he had dissed the prof's play and that's why he didn't pass. So, did this mean we weren't allowed to express an opinion contrary to the professor's in class? Are we to automatically enbrace as gospel every word that comes from the professor's mouth? I found this to be troubling, to say the least. I am reserving judgment until I have been in the class longer, after all, it was only the first day, and I get to know the prof better. Maybe that wasn't really the reason the student failed. It has been my experience that the best teachers foster open discussion and that they don't expect their students to always agree with them. We'll see which one this prof turns out to be.

Bus Adventures

So, yesterday I was supposed to be on campus by 9:00 a.m. for a meeting. I thought I had a plan, and it would have worked if it hadn't been for the weather. Sometime in the early morning it rained - freezing rain - which means the roads got icy, really icy. Being from Kansas I'm used to this kind of stuff, so that didn't bother me too much. I know how to be careful. However, it did bother the drivers of Lubbock. I will give them this, most of the drivers I saw while waiting for the bus were taking it slowly and being cautious. The bus, unfortunately, was behind schedule - way behind. It was an exciting ride for those of us who braved the cold and ice because we had places to go. There were a few times I thought we might slide on through an intersection or crash into something or someone, but we made it! Of course, I was an hour late for the meeting, but not to worry, everyone else was late too and apparently I didn't miss anything exciting. That was my first day of being on campus for official student stuff. Oh well, I did manage to get my student ID card and buy my books, so guess that means it's a done deal. I am now officially a grad student at Texas Tech - woo hoo!